hold applause till end

Illuminating friend who has changed much about life and perception often points out the redundancy of, and even harm in, too much and too easily-given approbation.

True, approval is a beautiful and affirming thing - who's above wanting a pat on the overworked back? - but perhaps the recognition is only incidental to the work done to deserve it.

The need to achieve is perhaps not so much a necessity because a source of pride and joy of friends, siblings, parents, lovers, pets, self - but because in it lies the key to our less-small selves. We are made more by what we do because for a moment there is revealed in us the propensity to act instead of not, to take the less lazy route. And every such step is but a step that the flood of feelgood feedback might sometimes cause to overlook.

While thoughts as this might be sponsored by show of extravagant congratulations on news feeds - which in themselves are worthy of apathy - the lesson is not unimportant for ravenous little heart such as that belongs to this writer.

The idea is to turn that twinge of jealousy into something more useful. To not find corner to sulk in and wish to be the centre of such unbridled showers of blessing oneself, but to rein in such futile and destructive longing. To remember never to make desire for recognition the end in itself. For one is unfortunately wont to do so. =)

Timely reminder that must move on not in the hope of that Hollywood Ending where everyone with tears in eyes is all apology, exuding hearty, hearty love - but because this is what we must do, all that we must do, whether or not there is a participation certificate at the end.

adieu, again

Last Sunday morning, last full moon night. Cannot help but note under breath while shifting first lot of books and clothes to new residence.

Room on roof that one always wanted has been dream come true for these last two years. Even with leaky roof and rattling French windows and a hundred other eccentricities, bits of heart will remain here long after we leave.

Daily visitors ranged from parrots - one scruffy veteran; another, a pink-collared young stud - to squirrels that with remarkable regularity dropped from rafters, lay around stunned for a while and later revived enough to make way back up. Being able to step out of bed and straight onto terrace with maybe a cup of tea in hand - Ah, shall miss in earnest.

Outside of one's own world, someone deeply admired is betrothed. Heart cannot help but balloon at hearing of such things. Cold cynic in many matters but whenever see people finding each other and working towards making something bigger, how not to melt into puddle of sentimental goop?

This year, like every fledgling year, is off to whirlwind start and promises many more changes in scene. Will need to pare down needs, wants, habits to minimum if one is to survive this. Must remember to remember that home is where you hang your hat, what will be, will be, &c.

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant 

and whatever a sun will always sing is you 

- E. E. Cummings

gratitude

At having parents who, when told timorously about plans for travelling with friends 'round country at two in the morning, react not with apoplectic 'What? How? Why?' but a matter-of-fact, 'Okay, you're gonna need a thicker sweater.' And Mater, of course, begins knitting one immediately.

At having sister who spies with merciful eagle eye injured dog in the rain and instead of walking on, bundles up in car to nearest vet.

At being able, despite infinite capacity to procrastinate and Carpal's wrist and a thousand, thousand excuses, to make some dough. At being able, in short, to remain relevant. =)

At knowing wise and lovely people who send in beautiful, thoughtful things every now and then, just because.

At having more reasons to love than to not.