rollin' in the deep

6 pm, Today.

Floating on back. Visible: orange-tinged nimbostrati against a violet sky; home-bound flock cutting diagonally across. Ears plugged with water, limbs limp, toes and nose point skyward. Except for sustained hollow sound of breathing, making its way through water, wouldn't know if alive.

Flip around and dunk head in water again. Commence swim. Water yields reluctantly, dragging at arms. First time swimming with long hair. Unfamiliar, this sudden cloud of black; blurring vision, stopping breath, curling around neck. Homicidal, I tell you.

Here, in this chlorinated, buoyant world, how nice to just surge forward like this. To breathe every three strokes (alternate sides), to kick gently but firmly (no breaking at the knees!), to remember from donkey's ears the tricks to optimal movement. How lovely to have instinct (and years of drilling) kick in and not have to think, to think.

Soon, fingers shrivel up, body aches, and head feels marvellously blank. Such prolepsis. Shall, not too long from now, be nothing more than prune, slave to demands of muscles beyond control. But while we have these things to own, let us endure as much as we can, yes? =)

This itchy skin
Time to turn in

shelter

bright blessed day, dark sacred night

Futile, burrowing in like this but need from time to time to remember that despite it all one is quite inescapably alone. Alone and uncertain as to how to feel about this.

Relieved, on one hand, for it to be this simple. Apprehensive, as to what long-term fallout may entail. Atrophied heart? Unexploited potential? Or, that worst of worst, having not lived a 'full' life (whatever that may mean)?

Ah. This is when voices like Ms. Kent's, unavoidable burden of 'work' and ceaseless rain helps. Not to say that the people one loves so desperately mean any less, just to remind oneself of one's complete lack of consequence in the big picture. 

Yes, I love.

So what? =)

---
EDIT:

Since too often only the melancholy registers here and not enough of the content, this merits updating. Serendipitous reconnecting with old friends - sudden phone calls, unexpected e-mails that leave feverish heart even toastier - What can I say?

Alone. Forever, yes, but never really.